


You Are My Sunshine (my only sunshine)

by scorch66



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama Crossover, Love at First Sight, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorch66/pseuds/scorch66
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Landing himself in the hospital is the second best thing that's ever happened to Yuya. The first would be meeting Yuuki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are My Sunshine (my only sunshine)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic can also be read in [Russian](http://elianne.diary.ru/p180278126.htm) thanks to [](http://estalda.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://estalda.livejournal.com/)**estalda** 's translation. ♥  
> 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

  
The ceiling tiles are the standard 6" by 6". White and sanitary. There are four hundred of them in total.

Yuya is sick of seeing them already.

The walls of his hospital room are a matching blank white. The only colour in the room is the pale, washed out blue of the bedsheets which is made even duller by the brilliant blue patch of sky visible through the room's single square window. The window's curtains are also white.

As is the cast that encases his right foot.

Yuya grabs some felt markers from the drawer of his nightstand. First he draws a rainbow. It's not much of a rainbow since the only colours he has are blue, green and yellow, but Yuya makes do. He colours in a big yellow circle next, right on top of the spot covering his ankle bone.

It's only been two days, but Yuya misses the sun. He misses how the sunlight heats his back when he falls on the shore, exhausted by a day of surfing. Trapped in the hospital, Yuya misses the fullfilment of actually _doing_ something.

\---

_You make me happy when skies are grey._

  
On the third day, Yuya is saved from the suffocating boredom. The sudden thrum of a motorcycle engine filters through the window and jolts him out of his daze. He abandons his markers on the bedsheet -he'd been colouring some waves to go along with the surfboard he'd drawn earlier- and walks over to the window with his crutch.

There are two people near the bike. Friends. Yuya watches them hug and say their goodbyes as one of them, the one wearing a baseball hat, enters the hospital's doors. Another prisoner.

Yuya sighs and limps back to his bed, leaning his crutch against his nightstand. He's just finished shading in the curviest wave when someone strolls into his room. It's the stranger with the baseball cap. The stranger stops when he sees him.

"So you're my roomie, huh?" he grins, lifting the rim of his cap. "My name's Yuuki. Nice to meet you!"

Yuya stares. There's something about the man's smile, so bright and warm and full of life, that makes him feel as though he's looking right at the sun. It's blinding.

Yuya can't look away.

\---

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you._

  
"So you surf, huh?"

Yuya looks up across the gap between their beds and sees Yuuki sitting on the edge of his own, swinging his legs and squinting at Yuya's cast. Yuya smiles.

"Yeah. How about you?"

Yuuki shakes his head. "Nope."

"Why not?"

Yuya watches as Yuuki's face freezes for a moment - but only a moment. It thaws out into a smile just a second afterwards, as if the stiffness was never there.

"Not cool enough," he laughs. "What are you drawing now?"

"A sea shell," Yuya answers, head bowed again to focus on his task. He's startled when Yuuki plops down next to him, almost toppling him off his bed. He watches nervously as Yuuki leans closer, examining his cast.

"What?" he asks defensively.

"Yuya, I don't know how to tell you this but..." Yuuki begins, eyes serious and lips curved into a frown. Yuya waits, growing increasingly anxious.

"You suck at drawing."

And Yuuki's face shatters into a hundred quivering fragments of mirth, eyes disappearing and entire body trembling. Yuya tries to shove him off the bed, but it's futile. He's smiling, too.

"Shut up," he laughs. "As if you can do any better."

Yuuki just smiles and grabs another marker -the green one- and grabs Yuya's cast cladden foot, laying it gently on his lap. Yuya watches the strands of his brown hair fall across his face as he bends to draw. They look so similar.

After a few minutes, Yuuki releases a proud "Ta-da~" and Yuya moves forward to take a look.

And another look.

"That's a nice...crab," he says eventually and Yuuki pushes him back on to his pillow.

"It's a turtle!" Yuuki corrects with a laugh and pushes Yuya's leg towards him. "Look! It's upside down on its shell."

Yuya squints at his cast again. Beside his blue shell is Yuuki's green mess of scribbles. If he squints his eyes just so and tilts his head a bit to the left, he can see Yuuki's turtle, toppled over on it's back, world turned upside down but a wide, fearless smile still in place - just like its artist.

"I see it."

Yuuki's just as bad as him, though, if not worse.

\---

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

  
Yuya has known Yuuki for a week now. In that week he's learned that Yuuki, for all his sunny smiles and endlessly cheery disposition, hides his secrets like the thickest of nightfall.

"Yuuki, why are you here?" he asks head on. It's late and they're both laying in their beds, waiting for sleep to submerge them. Yuya knows that Yuuki's awake though. Just like he knows that as vague as his question is, Yuuki knows exactly what he's asking.

"Well, my dad fell in love with my mom you see and...it's a long story. Kinda gross, too. You really want to hear it?"

Yuya rolls his eyes in the darkness. He's asked this question a number of times before, admittedly not as directly, but it's always been one derailing answer after another. Yuuki is frustratingly stubborn - but so is Yuya.

" _Yuuki,_ " he stresses. "Why are you here?"

There's a pause and a deep breath before Yuuki finally answers, his words so soft that they're barely audible. Yuya hears them, nevertheless.

"To be cured."

There's something about the stillness of Yuuki's voice that makes him panic, goosebumps rising along his arms and legs. His heart thuds painfully in his chest and he calls out as calmly as he can manage, "From what? Cured from what?"

Silence.

"Yuuki...?"

He glances at the other bed and is met with Yuuki's back; in the moonlight, it looks so bony and fragile that Yuya's ashamed to never have noticed it before. To him, the Yuuki of daylight always blooms so vibrant and bright...

\---

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,_

  
The next morning, Yuya wakes up with an ache in his chest. He feels emotionally bruised, like someone's punched his heart.

Yuuki snubbed him last night -yet again- and as much as Yuya tries not to be hurt by it, he can't help but feel as though he's been locked out of his house. _His_ house because during all the time they've spent together in their shared hospital room, Yuya believes they've made something together, just between them - just _for_ them. Something like a secret handshake but intangible. A secret fortress to which only they have the keys.

It's unfair that Yuuki's hoarding their hideout just for himself. Yuya wouldn't even really mind if only Yuuki would let him back in.

He sits up and glances at the other bed; Yuuki's still sound asleep, dark eyelashes fluttering along with his dreams. Yuya wonders what the man's dreaming about -probably something amazing and impossible like Yuuki himself; something like sliding down a pyramid or tanning on the back of a humpback whale- but doesn't think it's worth asking. He doubts Yuuki would give him a straight answer even if he did.

Sighing, Yuya moves to get up. Something catches his eye as his blanket slips off his legs.

His heart clenches.

On a patch of his cast free from all the grafiti, there is a large, ugly blue heart with one lobe drawn twice as large as the other. Inside the heart is a familiar scribble.

**_Y + Y_ **

A sudden warmth and happiness floods Yuya's entire being, as if he's swallowed the sun whole and is now glowing from the inside out. He gently traces the blue outline of the heart with his fingertips and laughs to himself. The heart really is ugly. It resembles a pair of bunny ears more than anything.

"Like my art?" a sleepy voice asks and startles Yuya. He looks at Yuuki who's staring straight back at him, eyes so soft and shiny with morning dew. Yuya feels his cheeks heat.

"It's stupid," he answers. It's really the best he's seen yet - from Yuuki, that is.

Yuuki pouts, his curvy lips clumping together in to a duck-like frown. "So ungrateful," he whines as he sits up and Yuya grins at his bedhead. "You kept tossing and turning in your sleep. It was almost impossible to get your leg still long enough to draw it out. Almost got a black eye because of you."

"That's what happens to people who vandalise," Yuya singsongs and laughs as he catches the pillow Yuuki tosses at him.

And that's when the doctor walks in and takes Yuuki away.

\---

_I dreamt I held you in my arms._

  
"You're back," Yuya says as Yuuki returns from his impromptu appointment. It's been almost an hour since.

Yuuki doesn't respond. He lays down on Yuya's bed, near Yuya's knees, and turns away. All without a word.

"Why did you take so long?" he tries again.

Again, no response.

Anxiety swells up inside him like a balloon, taking the place of the sun that was there not too long ago. He grabs the man's shoulders -so bony and delicate- and turns him around, his narrow back flat on the mattress.

"Yuuki, don't mess with me. What's wrong?" he asks, desperately trying to meet Yuuki's eyes, but they're hidden by long, disheveled bangs. "Damnit, Yuuki! Tell me alre-"

"-teach me how to surf."

Yuya pauses and watches Yuuki shake the bangs out of his eyes. They're calm and dry. Yuya's anxiety deflates in relief.

"What?" he asks weakly as he loosens his grip on the man's shoulders. He doesn't let go, though.

Yuuki smiles sweetly and lifts himself on to his elbows, so very close now because Yuya doesn't have the sense to move back. He doesn't _want_ to. "Teach me how to surf," Yuuki repeats. "You're getting your cast removed today, right? Teach me."

Yuya feels Yuuki's breath on his chin and his skin tingles down to his toes. He nods because that's all there is to do.

"Tomorrow?" he asks softly.

Yuuki shakes his head.

"Today."

And he rises even further, closing the gap between them.

\---

_When I awoke dear, I was mistaken,_

  
Yuya pokes Yuuki in the side with his sandaled foot as the man plops himself down on the sand.

"I thought I was going to teach you how to surf."

Yuuki looks up from underneath his baseball cap and flashes a grin. It's like their first meeting all over again, only this time, underneath the expanse of the clear sky and the sun shining down on them, Yuuki's smile is a thousand watts brighter.

"Too tired. I'd rather watch you instead," he replies and then his eyes focus on him, voice low and heavy. "Show off for me, Yuya."

Yuya snorts. It does nothing to hide the fact that he's flushing under Yuuki's gaze - which is now being accompanied by a knowing smile. Yuya kicks sand at the smug face.

Grabbing his surf board, Yuya answers with "I'm too good for that" and heads towards the churning waves. He's totally strutting, though.

He's halfway to the shore when Yuuki hollers at his back, voice loud enough to make heads turn.

"I want to see _all_ of your moves!"

Yuya wants to drown himself when he trips.

He tries to cover it up by adjusting the surf board on his shoulders, but it's in vain; he can already hear Yuuki's spazzy fit. At least the man won't get the satisfaction of seeing his face.

Which is totally not red.

\---

_So I hung my head down and cried._

  
Yuya gets lost in the waves. The sun is sweltering but the water is refreshingly cool and the board beneath his feet moves as an extension of his legs, gliding across the water with practiced ease. Here, sandwiched between the blue of the sky and the sea, Yuya's finally at home.

And everything's made perfect by Yuuki.

Yuuki, whose overly enthused cheers are driving Yuya higher than ever before.

\---

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

  
"You were so good!"

Yuya tries not to stare at her chest but it's an uphill battle. The girl's rather skimpy bikini top doesn't help, either.

"How long have you been surfing?" the girl asks, batting her eyelashes and sending him a flirty smile. Normally, Yuya would latch on to the bait in an instant. The girl is cute and friendly and exactly his type - yet he isn't tempted.

"A couple years. I'd love to chat but I have to get going," he says politely and walks away in search of Yuuki. He finds the man right where he had left him, arms hanging loosely around his folded legs.

"Hey there, Mr. Popular," Yuuki says at his approach and Yuya smirks.

"What, jealous?" he retorts, trying to get a rise out of the man.

Yuuki looks at him steadily and answers with a simple, "Yes."

And ironically, it's Yuya who blushes. Something about Yuuki's gaze tells him it's not Yuya who he's jealous of. Yuya sits himself down next to the man. "So how was my surfing?"

"The complete opposite of your drawings." Yuya gives him a light shoulder shove and Yuuki grins. "Seriously, though. You were amazing! I could tell how much you love it here."

"I do," Yuya replies softly and bumps the other's shoulder again. "I'll bring you back here again next week."

Yuuki turns sharply to look at him. "Why?"

"I promised to teach you how to surf, remember? You'll love it," he answers, somewhat confused at Yuuki's worried look. His brows have formed a little furrow and his forehead is crinkling in soft grooves and Yuya finds him adorable.

Yuuki shakes his head in dismissal.

"No, I mean - why next week?"

"Ah, that," Yuya laughs. "I have to head to my hometown for a bit. My Ma wants to see me. She'll probably want to fatten me up a bit... Yuuki?"

Beside him, Yuuki has gone entirely still. His wide eyes remain trained on him but his face has clamped shut, lips pressed into a line that tells him nothing other than that _something is wrong_. 

"Hey, what is it?" Yuya asks and places a gentle hand on the man's frozen back. He can feel the knobs of Yuuki's spine through his shirt and wonders how horrified his mother would be if he brought Yuuki home with him. "I know you'll miss me, but I'll be back within a week, okay?" he teases, even though it's not sadness he sees in Yuuki's eyes.

It's fear.

\---

_You make me happy when skies are grey._

  
The ride to back to the hospital is tense and confusing because Yuya has no idea what to do. Yuuki is talking and laughing again but something is off. His words are forced and his smile is a meager flashlight to the beacon it was before. Yuya would do anything to bring it back to its full force.

Which is why he agrees to stay over for the night when Yuuki asks him to, his voice so hopeful and pleading that Yuya would rather die than consider refusing.

Yuuki pulls him over and they lay face to face on Yuuki's bed, legs entwined and the bundle of their clasped hands placed in the small triangle of space between their bodies. Laying like this, they must look like twins, Yuya muses; only his skin is darker and sun-baked whereas Yuuki's is pale, but that difference is hidden by the darkness.

"What?" Yuya smiles in embarassment as Yuuki continues to stare at him. He's been doing so for the past fifteen minutes and his intent gaze is doing something funny and amazing to Yuya's pulse. "Something on my face?"

Yuuki's lips twitch but the smile he's been waiting for fails to bloom. "I like everything on your face," Yuuki answers softly. "I just want to memorize everything."

Funny and amazing.

"Oh." Yuya coughs. He's known to be a smooth talker but everything about Yuuki is making him breathless and completely useless. He tries again. "Y-you're such a drama queen. I'm only going for a week. If you aren't sick of it yet, you'll be seeing my face around soon enough, got it?"

Yuuki inhales sharply and tightens his hold on Yuya's hand. Yuya clenches back with his own.

"Got it," Yuuki whispers after a moment.

His voice sounds hollow.

\---

_You'll never know dear,_

  
A week spent at home does Yuya good. His Ma yells at him and makes a fuss but feeds him the best of meals. He makes good use of his newly recovered foot and spends most of his days outdoors, keeping busy and on his feet. He buys a second-hand surf board off his friend. It's neon orange and perfect for Yuuki. He's drawn a coconut tree on it because he can and wonders if Yuuki will be able to tell what it is. By the time the week ends and he's on his way back, he feels rejuvinated and indescribably excited.

He barges into the hospital room with an eager cheer on the edge on his lips-

-and freezes. The words teeter off into nothing and his exuberance follows.

Yuuki lays on his bed, his pallor as washed out as the pale bedsheets, and tilts his head towards Yuya's direction - only it's off by a large angle.

"Yuya...?" he asks cautiously and some part of Yuya that isn't stricken with horror wonders how Yuuki knows it's him when his eyes are wrapped in layers of gauze.

Yuya remains frozen to the spot, no longer feeling or thinking anything. It takes a few moments and Yuuki whispering _"I'm sorry"_ to the empty space a couple inches to the left of Yuya's shoulder for Yuya to finally come apart.

\---

_how much I love you._

"Why didn't you tell me?"

After hours of explanations, of how Yuuki is now irrevocably blind, of how there are seven diseases that will now plague him, of how Yuuki's skull is collapsing and squeezing the life out of him - after hours of breaking down into sobs and forcing down the burning that's twisting his stomach into painful, queasy knots, that's all Yuya can ask.

Thin arms wrap around his hunched figure from behind and squeeze him tight. "I'm sorry," Yuuki whispers again. "I didn't want to scare you. Just wanted to be normal and healthy with you for a while."

Yuya would voice his forgivness if he could -because he does forgive Yuuki for being awful and selfish because he _understands_ , even though the reality of being unable to help Yuuki kills him- but he's beginning to hitch again and his throat is closing up on him. The grief is clogging his throat but he tries to push it down because he _has to know_. He has to know this time so he doesn't end up abandoning Yuuki again.

"How-" and that's all he can manage. Because he doesn't want to know. Not ever.

Yuuki hears him, though. Hears the question he hasn't asked and doesn't ever want to know. And it's this question -out of all the questions that Yuya's asked and Yuuki hasn't answered- it's _this_ question that Yuuki responds to.

"Not long," he answers, speaking into Yuya's shirt.

His words are muffled and his breath seeps through the cotton of his shirt, warming a patch of his back.

_He's alive. Yuuki's alive, goddamnit._

It's all Yuya can think to keep himself together.

\---

_Please don't take_

  
As much as Yuya pleads and argues and flirts, the doctors refuse to allow him to stay with Yuuki in his hospital room. Yuya toys with the idea of injuring himself again but Yuuki threatens to kick Yuya out himself if he does. So instead, Yuya comes over every day and monopolizes all of Yuuki's visiting hours; Yuuki's other friends don't mind, though. Yuya's actually surprised when they thank him.

It's a sunny day today and Yuuki's in a good mood; he's been going on and off -laughing like a seal one day and clamping up the next- for a while now and Yuya tries to cheer him up as best as he can. Overall, he thinks he's doing pretty well.

"What are you drawing now?" Yuuki asks. They're sitting on his bed again, Yuuki's orange surf board between them.

"Guess~"

Yuuki swings his arm lightly towards him and Yuya leans over so that it connects. Yuuki smiles at him and it's worth it. Each and every time.

"Hmm," Yuuki hums, tapping a finger to his pouty lips; it temporarily distracts Yuya from his task but he's not one to complain. "A donkey? Since you're a complete ass and all."

"This is _your_ board," Yuya reminds him and Yuuki grins sheepishly. "It's a dog, just so you know."

"Huh, it looks like a rat."

Yuya rolls his eyes and places the marker in Yuuki's hand. "Right, right. It's your turn now. Teach me how it's done."

"I love it when you sweet-talk me," Yuuki says and ignoring Yuya's snort, leans over the board and quickly pecks him on the bridge of his nose - or tries to, at least. Yuya tilts his head up just in time for their lips to meet. Yuuki pulls apart with a laugh. "Taking advantage of me, Yuya? So not classy."

"Shut up and get drawing."

Yuuki laughs again but he complies. Yuya observes Yuuki as he draws. In the past month, Yuuki-watching has become his favourite hobby. He tries to ignore the scary things, the things that freeze his insides and make it impossible for him to fall asleep, things like Yuuki's hollowing cheeks and the tendons that show in his twiggy arms. Instead he focuses on the good things - the things that make Yuuki _Yuuki_ , like his childish laugh, his sucky drawings and his tenacious optimism.

And the way he makes Yuya feel as if he's riding a wave so high that he's soaring.

"Hey, Yuuki," Yuya begins and continues only when Yuuki responds with a questioning hum, still focused on his drawing. "How are you so strong? You've been through all of...this...but you're still...you never give up."

As soon as he's finished, Yuya worries that his question is too heavy and will spoil Yuuki's happy mood - but it does nothing of the sort. Yuuki quirks his head up and answers with a smile so bright it's as if he's absorbed all the sunlight in the world and is now reflecting it back at Yuya, tenfolds magnified. 

"My name means courage," he says as if it's the simplest explanation in the world.

And maybe it is. Yuuki is the bravest person Yuya has ever known.

\---

_my sunshine away._

  
A week later, Yuuki's life runs its final course. Yuya isn't there when it happens but he's at peace knowing that Yuuki died in his sleep, a quiet, painless death. He probably died during one of his impossible dreams - the kind only Yuuki could dream up.

Maybe Yuya really was there when it happened, after all.

\---

"Nice surfboard," a boy comments. "Kinda bright, though."

Yuya grins. "It was a friend's."

"Cool. What's with all the scribbles?"

Yuya glances at the board. There are waves and coconut trees, an upside down turtle that looks like a crab, a dog that looks like a rat, a donkey that doesn't look like anything (not even a donkey) and hundreds of bunny-ear-shaped hearts. In the centre of the board, though, there is a large, perfectly shaped heart, drawn with practice and care in black permanent marker. The inside reads _Y + Y_.

Yuya shrugs. "My friend was an artist."

He grabs his towel and with the surfboard in hand, heads for the beach.

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining warm and bright and Yuya remembers a smile that lit up his world.

  
  
\--End--

  



End file.
